huffingtonpost - 10 days ago

!function(n){if(!window.cnx){window.cnx={},window.cnx.cmd=[];var t=n.createElement( iframe );t.display= none ,t.onload=function(){var n=t.contentWindow.document,c=n.createElement( script );c.src= //cd.connatix.com/connatix.player.js ,c.setAttribute( async , 1 ),c.setAttribute( type , text/javascript ),n.body.appendChild(c)},n.head.appendChild(t)}}(document);(new Image()).src = https://capi.connatix.com/tr/si?token=8b034f64-513c-4987-b16f-42d6008f7feb ;cnx.cmd.push(function(){cnx({ playerId : 8b034f64-513c-4987-b16f-42d6008f7feb , mediaId : 3d7f33ce-11d3-448e-9be3-813e90d14595 }).render( 692ef719e4b052b5ba03c8a3 );});We’ve written before at HuffPost UK about how much sex experts think a couple “should” have.Perhaps unsurprisingly, none gave a strict figure. Clinical psychologist, professor of psychiatry at UCSF Medical School, and CEO of Maximus, Dr Cameron Sepah, said: “Sex frequency varies throughout the course of a relationship due to biological, psychological, and situational factors”. But, she added, “If sex is an important expression of love to one partner but is otherwise insignificant to the other, a fundamental value discrepancy is at work”. Here, we asked licensed sexologist and relationship therapist and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, when she thinks sexlessness in a relationship is worth worrying about. Sex lulls can be normal“As a sexologist, I’d say that a sex lull itself must not be a problem, as most relationships experience periods with less sex and intimacy,” she told HuffPost UK.Stress, sleeplessness, kids, and even Christmas can keep your bedroom quiet. “What’s important,” Roos said, “is instead how you’re dealing with these periods – that you check in on each other and have an open and honest communication around your needs and boundaries, and make sure to support each other and find solutions that work for you”. Still, she added, alarm bells may ring if:“One or both [partner] feels frustrated and worried about the fact that you’re not having as much sex as you want,If the desire goes away without any good explanation,If the sex lull negatively affects your self-esteem or the overall closeness between you, orWhen the way you’re dealing with it leads to conflicts and distance.” Ultimately, she advised, “You shouldn’t look at how much (or little) sex you’re having, but how it affects you overall” as a couple.How can I start a discussion with my partner about our sex life? It can be hard to strike up a conversation about your sex life, Roos said, as the topic can feel loaded. Try, she said, to come “from a standpoint of curiosity rather than blaming [your partner], since that often leads to arguments and conflict.“I recommend people to start by saying something like, ‘I’ve been thinking about our sex life, and I love when we get intimate, and would love to have more sex. Is this something you’d like to talk about?’” Once you’ve started the chat, she stated, try not to judge your partner or put words in their mouth. “A good way is to start by finding the reasons why you think you don’t have so much sex, which then makes it easier to talk about solutions”. Remember, this is a shared topic – not any one person’s “problem”. Finally, Roos ended, “There [are] plenty of happy and stable couples out there with an inactive sex life, who [are] finding other ways to get intimate, such as by focusing on and investing in deep conversations, laughter, respect, communication, safety, and... shared goals”. Try to think about your specific needs as a couple rather than what you think you “should” be doing. “While sex is a big part of a romantic relationship for many, it’s absolutely not a must to be happy together,” the sexologist said.Related...A Sexologist s 7 Rules For Great Sex During And After MenopauseYou re Probably Having Way Less Sex Right Now, Says SexologistI m A Sexologist – Here s Why Sex Is So Much Better (And Wilder) On Holiday

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